I knew I wasn't really going to get a pony, but can I at least get some of that "change" I was promised?

The Obama administration today denied Endangered Species Act protection to 251 species.

George W. Bush (you remember him don't you, the Texas oilman?) protected, on average, 29 species per year. So far Obama has protected, on average, 26 species per year. Yup. The oilman protected more endangered wildlife than his allegedly 'green' successor.

Obama also lifted the offshore oil-drilling ban, (that was put in place by George Bush the First) because apparently big oil companies haven't fucked up the oceans enough. Yup. The oilman's old man protected the seas and shores more efficiently than the 'green' President.

Environmentalists had to go to court to sue the Federal Government to have the Northern Rockies Gray Wolf re-listed as endangered. (Thankfully the good guys won that one).

Obama is the only democratic politician that can say "clean coal" with a straight face and without laughing out loud, and as part of his green energy policy he wants to build new nuclear power plants, because Three-Mile Island or Chernobyl can't possibly happen again.

I'm starting to think the only "change" that took place in 2008 was that now when we get lied to we get a friendly, reassuring smile instead of the gormless smirk we had for the previous eight years.

My head hurts.

Well they don't call them coffin nails for no reason...

The Feds have finally decided that graphic labels featuring corpses and rotten cancerous mouths might finally take the edge off the 'coolness' that is cigarette advertising in the US. Whilst it is true that radio and telly ads for fags have been banned in the States for years, there are still billboards and magazine glossies showing some relaxed hot babe, or well-chiseled dude with a fag hanging out of their gobs in some gloriously cool and alluring setting. This could well be changing.

Now as a recent addition to the list of pompous and sanctimonious ex-smokers out there, I must tell you that when I was a non-smoker I never saw an advert that made me think to myself  "blimey, I bet I'd get to shag birds that look just like that if I started to smoke". I did see plenty of ads that might have made me change brands though, and over my smoking years (actually over half of my life as it turns out) I did change brands several times. So from personal experience I can attest that ciggy advertising works, at least part of the way. I have no way of knowing if this new idea will actually get people to quit, or more importantly make sure they never start, but I really hope it does. It is a complete and total waste of money, and is quite possibly the most stupid product ever devised, think about it, what other product do you buy on a daily basis and then immediately set fire to? See? Dumb right?

So here I sit, finally able to consider myself smoke-free, and the single biggest question I have is this: Why in the world did no-one ever kick me squarely in the nads every time I entered the room after smoking a ciggy? That shit smells revolting.

New Oklahoma law accidentally bans the 10 commandments...or why stupid is as stupid does..

In an attempt to prove their god-fearin' gun-totin' christian purity last week, the voters of Oklahoma overwhelming approved a ballot measure that (they thought) would ban the use of Sharia Law in determining verdicts in trials. This came as news to me, I was unaware that this was a problem anywhere in the US, but apparently in Oklahoma it is so rampant that they needed to pass a law banning it before all of the toothless cousin-fuckers that live there were forced to grow beards and their wives and girlfriends were forced to cover their tattoed beer-bellies with burkas...

So last week those good ole boys voted to ban using Sharia Law in courts. Whew, that was close right? Well maybe not. You see, in their rush to ban a "foreign law" from being used in their courts, they may just have accidentally banned the very thing they were looking to protect i.e. the ten commandments.

I know that making fun of rednecks is easy, you know, because they're rednecks and all, but this story really takes the cake...

Compromise my ass...or why the President needs to get his Samuel L. Jackson on...

Speaking yesterday at a press conference discussing the results of the monumental ass-fucking that was the 2010 Mid-Term elections, President Obama talked about the need to compromise and to work toward common ground with the new majority party in the House.  I nodded sagely as I listened to the words coming from his mouth but my brain was going ape-shit...

Here's what my brain was saying...

"Wait, so the party that kicked you in the nuts every single time you compromised with them....you NOW say the way forward is to compromise with them even MORE?

Do you not read newspapers? Did you not just see what happened to your party at the hands of the people you compromised with? Do you WANT to be a one-term President?

I know that someone will tell me that this is some 9th level jujitsu mind-chess that Obama is playing, but after the ASS KICKING we just got, I'm sorry but I ain't buyin'...

You tried playing nice and look where it got you...remember what Einstein said about doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result?

Mr President, with the best love in the world for your cerebral approach to governance and all that fancy-ass Jedi mind-trick shit you claim you can pull , I do believe it is time to get your Samuel L. Jackson on, drop the nuanced bullshit and kick some motherfucking ass..."

For once, I think my brain is right.

A couple of bright moments in an otherwise dark evening...or why money can't buy you Gov...

I'll write more about the dire results of the mid-term selections later, but for now i'll just briefly mention  the couple of results that did manage to put a smile on my face. Both of them from California. In the Senatorial campaign Carly Failurina lost by 10 percentage points to Barbara Boxer (one of the few liberals left in that chamber) after having spent many millions of her own cash to fund her increasingly shrill and bitchy ads. That was good fun to watch, because no matter how hard the presstitiutes tried to spin things in her favour she was never really in it at all.

But the best result of the evening had to be the total failure of the former head of E-Bay to buy her way into the Governor's mansion in Sacramento. Some estimates have her spending $141 million of her own money to wind up with 13% less of the vote than her competitor. That equates to roughly $9 for each registered voter in the Golden State (and closer to $50 for each vote she actually did get). She may have fared better if she had just bought every voter in the state a nice lunch with that money, because spending it on hateful, angry and bitter radio, print and tv ads didn't appear to work...Too bad, so sad...

Unfortunately across the rest of the nation money did do the talking, and it was democracy that did the walking..right into the buzzsaw..more on that anon...