Ah yes, the Superb Bowl is being played this weekend in Miami between two teams that no-one outside of their own cities really gives a shit about. The underdog team from New Orleans, after having finally dried out their stadium and sent their shelter-seeking temporary residents back to their own piles of sodden misery, was able to win enough games to make it to the Super-Dee-Dooper Bowl. This must be considered to actually make them the sentimental favourites, if for no other reason than the fact that their fair city is still in ruins and those of us with a conscience want to see them have something to celebrate, even if it is just winning some stupid sports trophy.
On the other hand Indianapolis have recently won the Monumentally-Awesome Bowl, their star quarterback is in every single commercial on teevee, and according to their owner they are God's favourite team.
That makes me want them to fail.
Badly.
Now, fair disclosure is required at this point. I am a Chicago Bears fan, and the fact that the Dolts last won the Fucking-Fantastic Bowl at the expense of my beloved Bears may (or may not) influence the level of vitriole I aim at them. That being said, I have had a deep-seated dislike for the Dolts ever since their quarterback was annointed as the greatest to have ever played the game. As anyone with half a brain knows, Joe Montana was the greatest to have ever played the game, and the fact that Pay-Me-More Manning was given this accolade before he had even won a Massively-Brilliant Bowl really pissed me off. But what really annoys me is that Paid-Too-Much Manning seems like a nice guy. He obviously has a great sense of humour, you'd have to waking up and seeing that face staring back at you in the mirror every morning, but the commercials he has done for Mastercard are very funny indeed. And this makes me dislike him more.
I hate being this conflicted about a person.
On one hand he has achieved an awful lot on the field of play, and off the field he apparently sticks to doing his missus, and only his missus which makes him a good guy (and as mentioned in my most recent blog of about 20 minues ago, a rarity indeed), and yet....he plays for the God-bothering Dolts, a team whose owner I would pay good money to watch having it explained, in very small words on Judgement Day by The Man Himself, that He actually never even watched the stupid games, never mind actively root for one team over the other...
You see, I don't dislike him personally, I just despise the team he represents.
And so there you have it. A game between two teams that in the end I really don't care about, a lip-synched half-time show by a band that is most famous for being the lead-in music on all twelve of the various CSI teevee shows, and not much else. At least nothing really Super except, of course, for the commercials.
As a loyal teevee slave, I will dutifully watch at least part of the game this weekend, and do what most folks do on this occasion, and that is, wait for the commercials because they are actually what make the game Super.
Friday, February 5, 2010
John Terry..bit of a bastard or a really BIG bastard?
As some of the three people that follow this blog may know, I like football. Proper football, you know, the game where the players use their feet to kick a ball, unlike the up-armoured, stop-start, make-up and crash-helmet-wearing American game that requires it's players to suck on oxygen on the sidelines after a run of more than 10 yards and where the foot rarely ever actually touches a ball.
They call it 'soccer' over here to avoid any confusion, as if there could be any such confusion when comparing a display of the two games. One game consists of two forty-five minute halves that is generally completed in 90 minutes. The other game consists of four 15-minute quarters that is generally completed in what seems like a little under four weeks.
Both games have one thing in common though. They are both played by men that more or less, have the morals of Tiger Woods on a Viagra-fuelled 3-day binge in Vegas. I know that is a fairly broad brush, but judging by the headlines in the press over the last few years, the fine, upstanding, family man is as rare an animal in professional sports as a republican with a brain (or a conscience) is in U.S. politics.
Throughout the years we have had many stories of baseball players, basketball players, golfists, cricketeers etc, screwing their way around the planet in an attempt to spread their DNA as far and wide as possible. Each time they have been received by the general (game-ticket paying) public as isolated examples of individual bastardism on the part of the shagger. This is then invariably followed by a period of pathetic and insincere mea culpas in the press, perhaps a visit to the high priestess of confession and redemption herself, Oprah Winfrey, and then bingo, presto, a few months later, all is forgiven, everyone breathes a sigh of relief and we begin the countdown for the next sport related scandal to break.
The latest sports-related "I shagged someone I shouldn't have" scandal involves the Chelsea and England skipper, John Terry. According to the stories floating around, Captain "can't keep his dick in his pants" decided to screw a tasty bit of fluff that was not his wife. To be fair, she was a wife alright, which might have led to his initial confusion as he was poking her in the whiskers, just not his. Whose wife was she? One of his team-mates'. Yup, instead of knobbing any one of the hundreds of pneumatic, low self-esteem tarts that throw themselves at professional athletes, he decided instead to bump uglies with one of his team-mates' missus.
Now, I have never met John Terry personally, but this move seems to indicate that he ain't exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer. Typically, the usual social protocol after saying "I do" is that you stick to shagging only one person, and typically that is the person that said "I do" right after you. Not the Maid of Honour, the bridesmaids or any other tasty strumpet that takes your fancy, and certainly not the wife of one of your mates. Capt. 'straysalot' apparently didn't get that memo.
All of this I think you'll agree, makes John Terry a bit of a bastard. He cheated on his wife and his team-mate, which is bad enough, but what made him a really big bastard was that rather than admit to what he had done after being caught, he had the story gagged in the UK media. He got his lawyers to make it illegal for anyone to even talk about it.
Until this past week.
This past week, the gag order was lifted and the sordid ugly truth has been spilling out. In the process John Terry has managed to 'elevate' himself from just being a low-life wife-cheating bastard, to being a lying, cowardly, low-life wife-cheating bastard that had the balls to fuck around on his wife and kids, but didn't have the balls to admit it when he got caught.
And that makes him a really BIG bastard.
They call it 'soccer' over here to avoid any confusion, as if there could be any such confusion when comparing a display of the two games. One game consists of two forty-five minute halves that is generally completed in 90 minutes. The other game consists of four 15-minute quarters that is generally completed in what seems like a little under four weeks.
Both games have one thing in common though. They are both played by men that more or less, have the morals of Tiger Woods on a Viagra-fuelled 3-day binge in Vegas. I know that is a fairly broad brush, but judging by the headlines in the press over the last few years, the fine, upstanding, family man is as rare an animal in professional sports as a republican with a brain (or a conscience) is in U.S. politics.
Throughout the years we have had many stories of baseball players, basketball players, golfists, cricketeers etc, screwing their way around the planet in an attempt to spread their DNA as far and wide as possible. Each time they have been received by the general (game-ticket paying) public as isolated examples of individual bastardism on the part of the shagger. This is then invariably followed by a period of pathetic and insincere mea culpas in the press, perhaps a visit to the high priestess of confession and redemption herself, Oprah Winfrey, and then bingo, presto, a few months later, all is forgiven, everyone breathes a sigh of relief and we begin the countdown for the next sport related scandal to break.
The latest sports-related "I shagged someone I shouldn't have" scandal involves the Chelsea and England skipper, John Terry. According to the stories floating around, Captain "can't keep his dick in his pants" decided to screw a tasty bit of fluff that was not his wife. To be fair, she was a wife alright, which might have led to his initial confusion as he was poking her in the whiskers, just not his. Whose wife was she? One of his team-mates'. Yup, instead of knobbing any one of the hundreds of pneumatic, low self-esteem tarts that throw themselves at professional athletes, he decided instead to bump uglies with one of his team-mates' missus.
Now, I have never met John Terry personally, but this move seems to indicate that he ain't exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer. Typically, the usual social protocol after saying "I do" is that you stick to shagging only one person, and typically that is the person that said "I do" right after you. Not the Maid of Honour, the bridesmaids or any other tasty strumpet that takes your fancy, and certainly not the wife of one of your mates. Capt. 'straysalot' apparently didn't get that memo.
All of this I think you'll agree, makes John Terry a bit of a bastard. He cheated on his wife and his team-mate, which is bad enough, but what made him a really big bastard was that rather than admit to what he had done after being caught, he had the story gagged in the UK media. He got his lawyers to make it illegal for anyone to even talk about it.
Until this past week.
This past week, the gag order was lifted and the sordid ugly truth has been spilling out. In the process John Terry has managed to 'elevate' himself from just being a low-life wife-cheating bastard, to being a lying, cowardly, low-life wife-cheating bastard that had the balls to fuck around on his wife and kids, but didn't have the balls to admit it when he got caught.
And that makes him a really BIG bastard.
Friday, January 22, 2010
"Mr Giuliani I have a call for you on line one..He said his name was Mr Irony"...or..why Mayor 9/11 is a fucking moron...
Rudy Giuliani was recently on the idiot box lithping and thpluttering away about the recent attempt by some mis-guided nutjob from Africa to set fire to his nads, and in the process destroy a plane en route to Detroit. The lithping reached a crescendo as Rudy "A noun, a verb and 9/11" Giuliani laid the blame squarely at President Obama's feet and then said in triumph, "Under George W. Bush we didn't have a single terrorist attack in his entire time in office, under Obama we've already had one."
I'll give you guys a few seconds to re-read that and let it sink in.
Rudy "the only reason anyone gives a fuck about who I am is because of 9/11" Giuliani went on national teevee and said that there were no terrorist attacks when George W. Bush was in office.
None.
I'm still shaking my head is I write this. I am gob-smacked at the level of self-deceit required to utter those words convincingly to an inanimate object, never mind a national audience, and yet this giggling, self-important, hypocritical right-wing lapdog said those very words.
Rudy, the only reason we know who are is because of what happened that day. The only reason you haven't disappeared into the obscurity we so richly deserve is because of that day. The only reason anyone even remotely gives a shit about you, is because of that day.
And now you say it didn't happen.
Not just a terrorist attack on the US, but the single worst terrorist attack on the US occurred on Bush's watch, and yet somehow you forgot? Somehow that happened on what, a different day, a different plane of existence, a different reality?
I think I know why he may have difficulty remembering that day. He has to face some uncomfortable facts that lay at least some of the misery of that day at his feet. His refusal, after much pleading, to move the city's emergency response centre from the WTC to Queens because it was "too far", as well as his refusal to spend the money necessary to make sure that the emergency responders all had the same communications system so that they could talk to each other, are just two of the big ones. Maybe remembering how many people paid with their lives because of his selfish decisions has clouded his memory about that day.
Or maybe, it's more simple than that.
Maybe he's just another right-wing moron that won't take responsibility for a damn thing that happened on his watch but is more than willing to LIE through his teeth (real or not) in order to blame someone, anyone, else for his failures.
I'll give you guys a few seconds to re-read that and let it sink in.
Rudy "the only reason anyone gives a fuck about who I am is because of 9/11" Giuliani went on national teevee and said that there were no terrorist attacks when George W. Bush was in office.
None.
I'm still shaking my head is I write this. I am gob-smacked at the level of self-deceit required to utter those words convincingly to an inanimate object, never mind a national audience, and yet this giggling, self-important, hypocritical right-wing lapdog said those very words.
Rudy, the only reason we know who are is because of what happened that day. The only reason you haven't disappeared into the obscurity we so richly deserve is because of that day. The only reason anyone even remotely gives a shit about you, is because of that day.
And now you say it didn't happen.
Not just a terrorist attack on the US, but the single worst terrorist attack on the US occurred on Bush's watch, and yet somehow you forgot? Somehow that happened on what, a different day, a different plane of existence, a different reality?
I think I know why he may have difficulty remembering that day. He has to face some uncomfortable facts that lay at least some of the misery of that day at his feet. His refusal, after much pleading, to move the city's emergency response centre from the WTC to Queens because it was "too far", as well as his refusal to spend the money necessary to make sure that the emergency responders all had the same communications system so that they could talk to each other, are just two of the big ones. Maybe remembering how many people paid with their lives because of his selfish decisions has clouded his memory about that day.
Or maybe, it's more simple than that.
Maybe he's just another right-wing moron that won't take responsibility for a damn thing that happened on his watch but is more than willing to LIE through his teeth (real or not) in order to blame someone, anyone, else for his failures.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Well that didn't take long did it?
Oh where to start?
2010 has started to much apathy and it appears to be just more of the same. The right-wing hyenas are still bat-shit crazy, the presstitutes in the Main Stream Media (M$M) are doing their master's bidding and constantly undermining the Obama administration, and the Haitians had the shit kicked out of them courtesy of Mother Nature.
Pat Robertson, the well-known billionaire cafeteria-christian evangelical hypocrite fucktard, said that the Haitians had brought it upon themselves because they had signed a pact with the devil to gain their freedom in the distant past. Yup, that's right, God was punishing them for wanting their freedom. This is the same demented gasbag that said that 9/11 and Hurricane Katrina were God's doing in order to punish us for our evil ways. Well that and gays, lesbians, the ACLU, Oprah Winfrey and The Jay Leno Show. (I agree with him on the last one BTW). Apparently God doesn't like, tall buildings, low-lying US metropolitan areas and dark-skinned folk.
I happen to think that the earthquake was more likely the result of various plates in the earth's mantle moving about a bit, rather than the actions of some vengeful imaginery friend of a severely demented con-artist. Not to be outdone, porcine racist Rush Limpballs having successfully recovered from a heart attack (dammit) whilst on vacation, pronounced to the slobbering Wal-Mart shoppers that are his base, that Haiti didn't deserve aid from the US or the rest of the world because they didn't produce anything of value. I can't think of anything that fat windbag has ever produced in his life except for hatred, fear and bile.
But I have a remedy. For both of these professed christians I would suggest they read the following Bible passages and then try and figure out how best to undo their errant ways in time to not spend eternity having their saggy balls gently roasted in hell: Matthew 25:40 "The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me' and Matthew 19:24 "Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God." Ya think either one of those hypocritical, hate-filled, rich, white bastards even remotely understands what either of those passages means?
Nah, me neither.
Fuck 'em both, I hope they rot.
2010 has started to much apathy and it appears to be just more of the same. The right-wing hyenas are still bat-shit crazy, the presstitutes in the Main Stream Media (M$M) are doing their master's bidding and constantly undermining the Obama administration, and the Haitians had the shit kicked out of them courtesy of Mother Nature.
Pat Robertson, the well-known billionaire cafeteria-christian evangelical hypocrite fucktard, said that the Haitians had brought it upon themselves because they had signed a pact with the devil to gain their freedom in the distant past. Yup, that's right, God was punishing them for wanting their freedom. This is the same demented gasbag that said that 9/11 and Hurricane Katrina were God's doing in order to punish us for our evil ways. Well that and gays, lesbians, the ACLU, Oprah Winfrey and The Jay Leno Show. (I agree with him on the last one BTW). Apparently God doesn't like, tall buildings, low-lying US metropolitan areas and dark-skinned folk.
I happen to think that the earthquake was more likely the result of various plates in the earth's mantle moving about a bit, rather than the actions of some vengeful imaginery friend of a severely demented con-artist. Not to be outdone, porcine racist Rush Limpballs having successfully recovered from a heart attack (dammit) whilst on vacation, pronounced to the slobbering Wal-Mart shoppers that are his base, that Haiti didn't deserve aid from the US or the rest of the world because they didn't produce anything of value. I can't think of anything that fat windbag has ever produced in his life except for hatred, fear and bile.
But I have a remedy. For both of these professed christians I would suggest they read the following Bible passages and then try and figure out how best to undo their errant ways in time to not spend eternity having their saggy balls gently roasted in hell: Matthew 25:40 "The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me' and Matthew 19:24 "Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God." Ya think either one of those hypocritical, hate-filled, rich, white bastards even remotely understands what either of those passages means?
Nah, me neither.
Fuck 'em both, I hope they rot.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
So long 2009, and take the rest of that shitty decade with ya...
If you took a look back at the last decade and were asked to give your honest opinion, I think if you were truly honest with yourself you'd have to say that it sucked. Hard. Sure there were things that happened in our own personal worlds that were all good and wonderful during that time frame, kids got born, kids graduated high school, kids went to college, yada, yada, yada, but outside of our own little existences I think you'd have to come to the conclusion that it was a pretty fucking awful ten years.
With a tidal wave of hope and enthusiasm after 8 years of a booming Clinton economy, and nary a war on the horizon, we entered the new millenium in a boozy haze of optimism and invincibility...
Then George W. Bush got selected by his father's mates on the Supreme Court and it all went to hell quicker than said cowboy boot-wearing moron could grunt 'Nukular' or 'Mission Accomplished'.
What followed next was eight excruciating years of tax gifts to the rich on the backs of the lower classes, a looting of the Treasury, a destruction of the rule of law (which had been very important when Clinton was in office but apparently less so when a republican is in office and actual crimes are being committed), the starting of two wars, one in completely the wrong country, the demise of the US's diplomatic standing in the world courtesy of the Connecticut Cowboy's creed of "you're either with us, or you're against us", and 24/7 saturation of waving computer-generated American flags on every single news station as they tried to outdo each other as to who was more patriotic than whom after the awful tragedy of September 11th, 2001.
Political discourse went straight into the shitter as well. It was now perfectly okay to state, as though it were fact, that your political opponent was in fact a traitor, or "un-American" if they were not in lock-step with the pronouncements coming from the Cheney, sorry, the Bush Whitehouse, whereas before, that sort of slanderous utterance would wind up with someone getting their ass sued, or their teeth kicked in, now it was de riguer on Fixed Noise, the Official Television Station of the Republican party.
"Liberal" became a dirty word, "Progressive" meant you were an unbathed hippy lesbian from San Francisco that cared more about the rights of the pigeons than the owners of the Mercedes Benz's they were copiously shitting on, and "Democrat" meant spineless, gutless, or more plainly, "completely fucking useless".
With a Democrat in the Whitehouse, and the Democrats "in control" of congress (although you could have fooled me most of the time this year) there may still be time to right some of the wrongs wrought by the porcine looters that were the previous occupants of the people's houses, but it will be a mighty hard battle, and one made less easy by the constant braying of the hate-mongers on the right that were so enabled during the Cheney years.
But let's push that boring political stuff aside for a moment and focus on the more important stuff, you know, like TeeVee entertainment, because as you will soon see, apparently that is what was more important in the 00's. It was a pretty dire decade for TeeVee entertainment from an educated person's standpoint. Unless you were willing to live on an island somewhere with 20 other yuppy larvae and fuck someone over for a million dollars, or eat cockroaches and boiled deer cock for fifty grand, or live in a fully-TV Camera-wired house somewhere in New York with obnoxious tattooed brain-dead wannabe pornstars, there wasn't an awful lot of talent on offer.
But what really, really sucked about the 00's was the rise of Simon Bloody Cowell. His Cheshire Cat smile simply drives me up the wall. His absolute and total bloody arrogance makes me wish to commit violence upon my beloved telly whenever his mugging visage appears, and the dreadful, pathetic and awful bunch of tone-deaf losers and posers that would crawl through a bog of rancid pig faeces to be first in line on one of his shows, make me want to stab out my eyes with a tuning fork. But I must admit that I do have to grudgingly admire him for at least one thing. Don't get me wrong, I am not going soft, he still sucks like a toothless Alabama truck-stop tart, but he does know his niche and he has exploited it to the nth degree with the inevitable consequence that he is now richer than most of Europe.
But the real reason he sucks so bad, and why the 00's sucked so utterly and completely, is because more people vote for the contestants on his fucking television shows than bother to vote in REAL elections.
Think about that for a second. I don't know about you, but that horrifies me.
I always suspected I was surrounded by empty-headed morons, but it REALLY sucks to have it proven beyond a doubt.
Oh well, maybe the next decade won't suck as bad...I sure hope so.
Happy New Year All!!!
With a tidal wave of hope and enthusiasm after 8 years of a booming Clinton economy, and nary a war on the horizon, we entered the new millenium in a boozy haze of optimism and invincibility...
Then George W. Bush got selected by his father's mates on the Supreme Court and it all went to hell quicker than said cowboy boot-wearing moron could grunt 'Nukular' or 'Mission Accomplished'.
What followed next was eight excruciating years of tax gifts to the rich on the backs of the lower classes, a looting of the Treasury, a destruction of the rule of law (which had been very important when Clinton was in office but apparently less so when a republican is in office and actual crimes are being committed), the starting of two wars, one in completely the wrong country, the demise of the US's diplomatic standing in the world courtesy of the Connecticut Cowboy's creed of "you're either with us, or you're against us", and 24/7 saturation of waving computer-generated American flags on every single news station as they tried to outdo each other as to who was more patriotic than whom after the awful tragedy of September 11th, 2001.
Political discourse went straight into the shitter as well. It was now perfectly okay to state, as though it were fact, that your political opponent was in fact a traitor, or "un-American" if they were not in lock-step with the pronouncements coming from the Cheney, sorry, the Bush Whitehouse, whereas before, that sort of slanderous utterance would wind up with someone getting their ass sued, or their teeth kicked in, now it was de riguer on Fixed Noise, the Official Television Station of the Republican party.
"Liberal" became a dirty word, "Progressive" meant you were an unbathed hippy lesbian from San Francisco that cared more about the rights of the pigeons than the owners of the Mercedes Benz's they were copiously shitting on, and "Democrat" meant spineless, gutless, or more plainly, "completely fucking useless".
With a Democrat in the Whitehouse, and the Democrats "in control" of congress (although you could have fooled me most of the time this year) there may still be time to right some of the wrongs wrought by the porcine looters that were the previous occupants of the people's houses, but it will be a mighty hard battle, and one made less easy by the constant braying of the hate-mongers on the right that were so enabled during the Cheney years.
But let's push that boring political stuff aside for a moment and focus on the more important stuff, you know, like TeeVee entertainment, because as you will soon see, apparently that is what was more important in the 00's. It was a pretty dire decade for TeeVee entertainment from an educated person's standpoint. Unless you were willing to live on an island somewhere with 20 other yuppy larvae and fuck someone over for a million dollars, or eat cockroaches and boiled deer cock for fifty grand, or live in a fully-TV Camera-wired house somewhere in New York with obnoxious tattooed brain-dead wannabe pornstars, there wasn't an awful lot of talent on offer.
But what really, really sucked about the 00's was the rise of Simon Bloody Cowell. His Cheshire Cat smile simply drives me up the wall. His absolute and total bloody arrogance makes me wish to commit violence upon my beloved telly whenever his mugging visage appears, and the dreadful, pathetic and awful bunch of tone-deaf losers and posers that would crawl through a bog of rancid pig faeces to be first in line on one of his shows, make me want to stab out my eyes with a tuning fork. But I must admit that I do have to grudgingly admire him for at least one thing. Don't get me wrong, I am not going soft, he still sucks like a toothless Alabama truck-stop tart, but he does know his niche and he has exploited it to the nth degree with the inevitable consequence that he is now richer than most of Europe.
But the real reason he sucks so bad, and why the 00's sucked so utterly and completely, is because more people vote for the contestants on his fucking television shows than bother to vote in REAL elections.
Think about that for a second. I don't know about you, but that horrifies me.
I always suspected I was surrounded by empty-headed morons, but it REALLY sucks to have it proven beyond a doubt.
Oh well, maybe the next decade won't suck as bad...I sure hope so.
Happy New Year All!!!
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