Friday Follies: The "there might be hope for us after all" edition...

In Washington D.C. a gaggle of Dumbasses are trying to figure out how to pass a bill that will save the Economic World (which reminds me of the most politically incorrect movie line ever spoken, "they look like a bunch of retards trying to hump a door-knob"). In the M$M the rhetoric has reached a new low of name-calling, white lies, and outright willful deceipt, and in Norway they are still trying to come to terms with the horrific attacks last week by a right-wing christian zealot. Not a helluvalot to smile about, right? And yet amongst all of that venal greed, vitriolic bile and violence there is a tiny ray of sunshine that humanity is not entirely fucked in the head.

At a baseball game in Arizona this week a young fan was fortunate enough to get a gameball from one of the players. Right as he was celebrating his new-found treasure with his friends he noticed another, younger fan, that was totally distraught that he hadn't been the lucky one to get the ball. What happens next makes even this cynical old bastard get misty-eyed.

I think that was one of the most selfless and generous things I have ever seen, especially from a 12 year-old. I hope both he and his parents are proud of his conduct. They taught him well. Now if you will excuse me I have to remove this speck of dirt from my eye that keeps making me tear up...

Have a great weekend you all!!!

So here's how messed up things are for Boner..(or what happens when you let the nutters loose in the asylum)

Now that the Weeper of the House, John Boehner (pronounced correctly by everyone except him as 'Boner') has had his fun blaming the Prez whilst continuing to spread right wing lies at his daily pressers, he thought he could pull the frying pan out of the fire just in time to proclaim victory to one and all. He thought he would be able to brag to his base that he'd saved the rich from having to pay a single nickel more in taxes, fucked the poor in the ass (again) AND saved the US economy all at the same time. Trouble is, all of a sudden he has discovered that the lunatic fringe in his party are sufficient in number that he can't do that. Why? Because they won't vote for his plan either.

Boner, it turns out, has severely over-played his hand and according to reports this morning on ABC's GMA even Cantor, his right-hand douchebag, can't control the nutjobs in his party anymore either. Both he and Boner have now got that panicked look of the guilty teenager that suddenly sees the flash of their parent's car headlights through the front-window, just as they are about to engage in a little soixante-neuf action with the girlfriend in the middle of the living-room floor. So here we are, on what we are told is the precipice of fiscal disaster, and the man who thought he was in control has all of a sudden found out he's not half as clever as he thought he was.

The question is, can anyone in that gaggle of corporate whores get the Teanderthals to toe the line, or will this fringe group of mentally unhinged imbeciles drive the US economy (and possibly the world's stock markets) right off the edge of a cliff...

We will soon found out...

Glenn Beck: A skidmark on the underwear of the human race.

I normally just gloss-over and ignore the rantings of this particular psychotic right-wing christo-fascist, but his comments regarding the recent Norwegian tragedy need to be addressed. In his radio-show (if by radio-show you mean fascist-jerk-off-session) he said that the camp that the 76 dead teenagers attended, murdered by someone that quite probably would have been an avid listener of his show, was "disturbingly like Hitler youth camps". Yup, this two-bit shyster and full-time shit-stain equated the camp where young Norwegian kids went to learn about democracy and how to get involved in the political process, as the same as the indoctrination of young children used by the nazi regime in the 1930's and 40's.

This is not the first-time that this mentally unhinged hate-monger has been forced to walk-back or apologize for some outlandish or outrageous comment his mouth has made, but this time I think an apology simply won't cut it. I don't think that slandering the victims of a murderous right-wing killer is something that can simply be walked-back or apologized for whilst emitting crocodile tears. Not this time. I am not a violent person by nature, or by philosophy, but I dare say that Beck should be made to apologize, in person, to every single parent that had their child taken away from them and if a parent (or two, or twenty) decide to extract a different sort of apology from him, well then, that would just be the way it goes.

I know one thing for an absolute certainty, if this had happened to me and it was my child he was referring to like this, Glenn Beck would need to leave the planet in order to be safe.

Monday Morning Mutterings: Right-wing pundits get it wrong...again...

Never ones to miss an opportunity to drive home their fucked-up agenda, the screaming hyenas on the right-wing were out in full force on friday as news of the unspeakable Norwegian tragedy unfolded. Without waiting for the facts to emerge they went full-bore with their anti-muslim, anti-immigrant venom assuming that the person(s) behind the mass killings just had to be of the swarthy, dark-skinnned, allah-worshipping persuasion. How shocked they must have been when it turned out that the mass-murdering fuck-head was in fact a blonde-haired, blue-eyed, white-boy christian that could be the very mold of their own followers.

Extremists of any ilk disgust me, but those that seek to use tragedy to further their twisted point of view are the lowest of the low.

Have a great week you all!

Friday Follies: All terrorists are pussies.

I have nothing funny to say today.

Monday Morning Mutterings: Yeah, so?

..Unfortunately I am once again up to my nipples at the salt mine this week and therefore cannot apply the usual care and thought to this week's MMM. (not that anyone gives a shit, this being the least read blog on the interwebs)...Sooooooo I'll be brief...Murdoch is slipping further into the shit...the head of the London Fuzz quit over the weekend and in his resignation letter sort of, kinda, hinted that David Camerwrong the ConDem P.M. is not as lily-white as he is protesting he is...News from this side of the pond seems to suggest that The Beast may not only get clipped for some vague American law that says you're a naughty boy if you bribe someone foreign, but might seriously get done for hacking into phones over here. Let me tell you something kiddies, if that turns out to be the case, we are going to see a shit-storm the size of which will be spoken about in hushed tones for many eons to come...As they say....stay tuned....

Let's see...what else? In the UK an ordinary bugger wound up winning The Open Championship (that's a golf thing to non-wankers like you and me) and good for him I say. It wasn't some poncy git wearing his wife's trousers, or some spotty-faced herbert with vast tufts of unruly hair sprouting out from underneath his sponsors baseball cap, just a regular looking geezer who looks like he knows his way around more than a few pints of Guiness. The weather looked like total shite though and I was staggered to find out that it was being played in my home county of Kent, and not the Outer Hebrides as it appeared on the telly. In that sort of weather anyone that finds the same ball they just hit from the tee should pick it up, put it in his pocket, and call it a win. But hey, that's just me.

Have a great week you all!!!

Friday Follies: Tricky-Quicky Edition

Hi Kids...I am really swamped at the salt mine this week so i'll have to keep this brief.I hope that everyone is enjoying the slow-motion car-wreck that is the Rupert Murdoch scandal as much as I am. This is what it must be like at hannukah, you know, each day you get a new present. This morning's gift was the resignation of the Little Orphan Annie lookalike CEO, Rebekkah Whatshername, but the absolute best news is that the FBI is now looking into things over on this side of the pond...I can barely stop grinning I feel like a puppy with two tails...

But I think the genuinely funniest thing I have heard this week is something Michelle Bachmann said. Now I know that is usually a given, she is afterall god's greatest gift to American comedians since Caribou Barbie hit the limelight, but this one takes the cake. Trying to prove she is worldy and has street cred with the Yiddish crowd she tried to say that President Obama had a lot if chutzpah. As with everything else that comes out of the mouth of that mashed-up bag of crazy, she got it all wrong. Enjoy!

Choot-spa? Man this broad is dumb. Have a great weekend you all!

Monday Morning Mutterings: More thoughts on the debt-ceiling debate/debacle.

Here's the thing, Congress approved 5 increases on the debt-ceiling during bush's reign of error, without so much as a murmur so it's easy to conclude that the obstinate stance of the rethuglican party has buggered all to do with "principles" or "balanced budgets" and everything to do with making Obama a one-term President. The real problem is that Obama may cause that to happen anyway as he continues to insist on placating the very people that are plotting his demise. There is no reason on god's green earth why social security, medicare or medicaid need be touched in any way at all...if you want to lower the deficit, return taxes to where they were BEFORE bush gifted the rich free money off the backs of the middle class. The concept that the poor and middle class have to give up even more than they already have, so that the rich don't have to suffer paying higher taxes is laughable at best, and criminal at worst.

Obama said that he'd rather be a great one-term President rather than a medicore two-termer...at this rate he ain't gonna be either...

Friday Follies: Yet another reason why 'Too Big to Fail' Banks suck ass.

In a story that reads like something out of a Kafka novel, a construction worker in Washington State got thrown in jail, lost his car and his job because a teller at the branch of Chase bank he was trying to cash a check at, thought he was trying to commit fraud. What's even more fucked up is that this poor bastard had his life turned upside down when he tried to cash a cashiers check that they had sent to him. Yup, it was a Chase Bank Cashier's Check, presented at a Chase Bank Branch and instead of honouring it, they had the guy arrested.

Oh, they eventually got things sorted out and he was released from jail, not before he was fucked out of a car and a job mind you, and Chase bank, being the fine upstanding Corporate Citizens that they are still haven't apologized for their actions over a year later on.

Did I mention that the gentlemen in question is black and his name is Ikenna Njouku? Wonder if that factored into the decision to throw this guy in jail...Naaah, surely not, I'm sure that happens to white folk all the damned time....

My head hurts....

Have a great weekend y'all!

From the Redundancy Department of Redundancy: Rupert Murdoch is a fucking scumbag.

Hey, I said it was redundant, but this time I think Satan has stepped over the line. Yeah, yeah, I know that being a sick and twisted fuck is the usual Modus Operandi of the Evil Horned One, but apparently as well as hacking the phones of several celebrities, a few politicians and a smattering of Royals, a couple of employees that call themselves 'journalists' at his 'News of the World'  fish wrap (if by 'journalist' you mean 'skidmark on the underwear of humanity') hacked into the phone of a missing teenage girl (Milly Dowler) who later on showed up dead. These pieces of human filth not only hacked into her phone, but then removed some messages from the full inbox in the hope of getting more messages, without ever considering that fact that her parents would see that as a sign that their missing daughter was in fact still alive (she wasn't). This all happened whilst the police were still investigating the disappearance of Milly and may have severely hampered the Fuzz in their enquiries.

One of the reasons this story sticks with me is not just my unbridled and deeply passionate hatred for the man personally, but most specifically because I am a parent. My deepest, darkest and most terrifying fear when my child was growing up, was that someone would take my precious angel from me and thereby subject me to the sort of eternal, gnawing pain and grief that only a parent can feel. Thankfully I cannot comprehend in any real sense what that would feel like on a day-to-day basis. Just opening the door a tiny sliver in my mind to that thought is enough to send a shiver down my spine, and creates the need for me to hug my kid for days at a time whenever I see her. The thought that having gone through months of not knowing where their daughter was, only one day to be told that some of her phones' text messages had been deleted, so she might still be alive and well somewhere, makes me apoplectic with rage. I don't think there is anything more devastating or cruel than the re-kindling of a false hope, and for that alone I think Murdoch deserves to go to jail. But what is even more disgusting is that as this story grows legs, it is becoming apparent that this despicable bastard's employees have also hacked the phones that belonged to the victims of the UK 7/7 terrorist attacks, as well as the relatives of other violent crimes. It has now gotten to the point that the Fuzz are suggesting that there are other child abduction cases that will now have to be re-reviewed.


As other hacking revelations have come out over the last year or so, Beelzebub has been steadily paying off those that have threatened to take him to court, and a few of his minions have actually wound up in the nick for the offences. But this story has taken the public rage to a whole new level of anger. Hacking Hugh Grant or Sienna Miller's phone is all well and good for some salacious gossip, but now the Devil's work has interfered with a police investigation into a crime that eventually revealed that a serial killer was on the loose. This, as they say, is the Big Time, and this time instead of throwing one of his unfortunate lackeys under the bus to save his own sorry ass, maybe, just maybe, Lucifer has run out of luck.

The only good news to come out of all of this is that Satan's company has suffered big share price losses equating to hundreds of millions of dollars in the stock market since the story started to gain more traction in the UK media. Now that the US media has picked it up and decided to run with it, Mephistopheles may finally find his wrinkled ass well and truly in the sling. This is convenient timing for the lazy, spoon-fed scandal-mongers in the M$M as the most recent 24/7 outrage-fest in Florida just conveniently concluded. (The not-guilty verdict shocked and outraged the punditry who, of course, had confidently predicted that the focus of their group-hate was guilty as sin and had been gleefully looking forward to the inevitable death sentence that would follow the "right" verdict). On top of all of this comes news that more and more advertisers (not just Ford who were the first) have announced that they are halting all ads in his papers effective immediately. That equates to the loss of some truly serious ca$h, and that tends to get the attention of the Board of Directors of a company right quick.

Perhaps one of the sickest things about this whole sordid affair though, is that it finally proves that the only way for this wretched excuse for a human being to understand what real pain and suffering is all about, is when it hits him in his pocketbook. Look, nothing is ever going to bring Milly or her killer's other victims back from the grave, but I hope that at long, long last if this opportunity is used to finally get rid of this evil, vindictive and callous bastard once and for all, then at least some measure of good may have come from it.

Hell, if it were up to me, I'd get medieval on his ass and string him up by his balls from Traitor's Gate and leave him to rot. Sounds reasonable, no?

Monday Morning Mutterings: Guess the country....Afghanistan or America?

Just in time for "Independence Day" in the "Land of the free"(sic)....

This story makes me want to spit blood. Rennie Gibbs, a 15 year old child who lost her baby 36 weeks into the pregnancy and was later discovered to have been a cocaine user, has been placed under arrest and charged with "depraved-heart murder" which carries a mandatory life sentence.

In which backward-ass hellhole of a country does this poor young woman live? Afghanistan you say? Nope. Perhaps Saudi Arabia? Wrong. Surely it must be rural Pakistan? Nope, you're way off.

The correct answer is: the United States of America.

Yup, the land of the free and the home of the brave*. (does not apply to all races or sexes)

Even more disturbing is that Rennie Gibbs is not the only one to suffer under the increasing encroachment of theocratic laws on the US law books. There are plenty of others that have found themselves stuck in this outrageous position as well.

As the hard-core right-wing fascists in the Republican party continue their assault on women's rights state-by-state, the same sorts of anti-woman policies have become evermore prevalent at the national level as well. More and more of the invisible cloud-being worshippers have risen to positions of power in the republican party and they are not shy about their number one focus; the stripping away of hard-won rights by women to have control over their own bodies.

In 38 of the 50 United States legislation is either on the books, or being proposed, that in some form or another criminalizes anything other than the traditional outcome of a pregnancy (you know, a small, wrinkled alien being and a lifetime of bills) and yet this apparently has not been enough to motivate every single woman in the country to get off their lovely shapely bums and do something about these attempts to make them second-class citizens.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, if men got pregnant, you would be able to get abortions at every single Jiffy Lube in the country and they'd have two-for-one specials down at the local Hooters during Monday Night Football. This has nothing to do with "the sanctity of life" and everything to do with control.

These religiously insane busy-bodies have the potential to ruin thousands and thousands of lives with their self-righteous dictates, so ladies, this Independence Day, I ask you to make a commitment to yourselves, and to your sisters and mothers, that you will do whatever it takes to stay truly 'Independent' and stop the enroachment of theocratic dogma upon your hard fought-for civil rights.

Friday Follies: George Carlin - The American Dream

As we glide into this three-day holiday weekend celebrating the Independence of this nation, I thought a little clip from one of the most brutally honest, and as it turns out prescient, American comedians and truth-tellers of all time, George Carlin, would bring into sharper focus just how far down the rabbit hole we have all fallen....

Therefore, with no further comment, ladies and gentlemen, I give you George Carlin..

Happy "independence" day you all!