How to write good...

Because no-one reads this when they're my words, I'll steal someone else's..namely Frank L. Visco...

1)  Avoid alliteration. Always.
2)  Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3)  Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)
4)  Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
5)  Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
6)   It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
7)   One should never generalize.
8)   Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said " I hate quotations."
9)   Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
10) Be more or less specific.
11) Understatement is best.
12) Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
13) Don't be redundant. Don't use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
14) Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
15) One word sentences? Eliminate.
16) Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
17) Who needs rhetorical questions?


I hope to incorporate these rules in my future writings so that you, dear reader, might enjoy them more and tell all of your friend about this blog so that one day, I too can get paid for writing as good as I can.

Bigots and zealots and liars, oh my!!

So North Carolina has banned the marriage of same sex folks, even though fucking your cousin is still perfectly legal (just not the gay ones). The problem with this hateful, bigoted, backward-ass legislation is that it invalidates ALL civil unions....even those between a man and a woman....too bad they didn't spend as much time reading as they did hating in that state otherwise they might have caught that one before it passed...

As previously stated AZ has officially gone completely off the deep end with it's hatred of *insert special interest group here*. This week Governor Jan Brewer, who for all the world does a very passable impersonation of Skeletor's wife, banned state funds going to Planned Parenthood, because, you know, nothing says 'Save the Children' quite like not giving free pre and post-natal health care to women that can't afford it.

But the real winner for me is in the 'bald-faced liar' category. May I present to you one Jonah Goldberg. This particular right-wing ass-carrot has a new book out, if by 'book' you mean page-after-page of nonsensical ramblings of the under-developed brain of a person who's sole claim to fame was that his mommy tried to get President Clinton impeached for getting a blow-job from a fat Jewish chick.

The title of this monumental waste of trees and ink is "The Tyranny of Cliches: How Liberals Cheat in the War of Ideas", which sounds ominous, bookish and semi-retarded all at the same time. That's not the problem though, the problem pops up on the dust-jacket of the book where, it is claimed, Jonah Goldberg has "twice been nominated for the Pulitzer Prize". Why is that a problem you ask? The answer is simple. Jonah Goldberg hasn't been nominated for the Pulitzer Prize. Ever. When challenged about it his response was a typical right-wing knee-jerk of "I didn't do it, it's someone else's fault".

Hey Jonah, I have an idea, the next time you want to write an entire book about someone else's "dishonesty", I'd suggest you don't put your own lies on the front page.

Cheers!