More randumb friday follies for your enjoyment...Charlie Sheen and 'W' get it all wrong. Again.

They say that cocaine is a hell of a drug, and Charlie Sheen is doing a damned fine job of proving just how completely destructive it can be, but seriously, did he really think we were stupid enough to believe that his rehab was so exhaustive that he needed a break in the Bahamas with his ex-wife (herself a 'recovering' addict), their kid's nanny and a porn star? I mean really, what could possibly go wrong there? Jeebus Charlie, we aren't all as stoned as you are, reality isn't an abstract concept and we know bullshit when we hear it.

I think we all know that Charlie Sheen has been having a rough go of it lately. Poor bastard had to suffer the ignominy of having the details of his sordid 36-hour coke-and-whore party splashed all over the tabloids by the very women he had paid to keep things a secret. I too am totally suprised that a whore would do something like that. For money. I mean, isn't there a Hooker Code or something? Anyway, then he gets criticised for doing rehab at his home, as if that wasn't de rigeur for every other recovering alcoholic coke-fiend, and now, everyone gets all steamed because he went on a rant that was broadcast over the radio accusing the show's producer of basically being a lazy, lying, manipulative jew.

Look Charlie, I am pretty sure that most of us can forgive you the occasional transgression, I mean hey, who hasn't woken up in a dingy motel room with a stinging hangover, an empty wallet and the vague taste of ass in their mouths, but calling your boss out on the radio, and suggesting that he would be nothing without you is really not playing by the rules. It's also not very bright. CBS has decided to shelve the rest of this season completely, and next year will all depend on whether Charlie can ever get sober enough to play himself on the telly again. So congratulations you schmuck, you managed to kill the golden goose, not just for you but the 200 other people that worked on that show as well. The difference between them and you? They'll still be able to find work in Hollywood come Monday morning. You, not so much.

Speaking of schmucks, George W. Bush was scheduled to give a speech at an event this coming weekend (if by 'give a speech' you mean 'read a serious of uncomplicated words, written by someone else, from a teleprompter), but cancelled at the last minute because Julian Assange of Wikileaks fame is also scheduled to speak. Dubya's spokesperson said the reason for the sudden cancellation was because "the former president has no desire to share a forum with a man who has willfully and repeatedly done great harm to the interests of the United States." Seems to me that description could be applied to either man, although in fairness only one of them ever started a war against entirely the wrong country.

Neither the ex-pretzeldunce nor his press officer appear to grasp the concept of irony. Not surprising really.

Have a great weekend all!

Harry Reid proves that stupidity infects both parties in D.C....or "the Ho's have got to go"...

With two wars still going on costing us countless lives and mountains of treasure, with Union-Busting going on in Wisconsin, Indiana and now Ohio, with open revolt in Libya, the collapse of the US-puppet regime in Egypt, massive earthquakes in New Zealand and Justin Beiber getting a new hairstyle, with all of these monumentally important things going on in the world,  Harry Reid of Nevada, the Democratic Senate Majority leader, has decided to focus his attention on the most pressing issue he could find, banning prostitution and brothels in his home state.

Um, Harry, I'm not sure where you've been this last couple of weeks, but getting all Mormony-LDS on us about hookers and pimps in Vegas ain't really on top of anyone's pile right now.

I have no idea why this idea struck Harry as the most important issue to focus on right now, maybe he figured he'd take a leaf out of the republican book and focus on Old Testament issues, rather than the stuff confronting everyday Americans. But that only makes him look even more out of touch and let's face it, Dear Old Harry hasn't been the greatest Democratic leader in the Senate if the truth be told. In fact the only guy more timid than Harry when it came to wielding his majority with any authority is the dude in the Whitehouse. You see Harry, like Obama, hasn't found many pieces of legislation he isn't willing to cave in on at the vaguest of threats from his counter-parts on the right, even on issues where he was on the right side of history. You know things like restoring the 4th amendment, real healthcare reform, taxing the rich back to the stone age (or at least back to the rates they were paying under Saint Ronnie Raygun), in other words hot button Democratic issues that he should have been able to pass at a stroll with the 60 seats he had under his control. But rather than bludgeon the republican minority into submission, he allowed them to dictate to him how things would go, and amazingly he went along with them. Which is why I find it so surprising that he wants to focus so passionately on the one thing that a large majority of males, regardless of party, think is just fine the way it is. Harry has decided to mess with the one issue that knows no party affiliation, no barriers or pre-qualifications, the access to pussy-on-demand. A dumber move I cannot imagine.

Let me be clear, I think that these ladies could be better off earning a living doing just about anything else, but you have to work with what the good Lord gave you, and if that just happens to be a bodacious body then what the hell, at least do it legally, and safely. This is actually an example of government regulation of an industry getting it right by protecting both the employees and their customers properly. A true win-win. The ladies have employee rights and benefits, and they can ply their craft in comfort and safety, and the customers don't have to worry about back alley pimps or nasty-ass hoes with no teeth and a buttload of tat's....So why Harry wants to fix something that isn't broken is beyond me.

Besides which, if he really wanted to get serious about cleaning up prostitution, he'd be better off focusing on the whores in D.C.and their K-Street pimps...now THAT would be newsworthy...

File this under "Yeah I know they're fucking stupid, but Holy Shit this is messed up, even for them!"

Apparently satisfied with the rapid progress of their woman-hating agenda in congress, next on the list for the 21st Century American version of Luddites, also known as the 'republican party', is their attack on the environment. Now remember, this is the party that thinks that Global Warming is a myth. All of that melting ice isn't really melting, the salinity of the oceans isn't being affected one iota and the glaciers really aren't retreating like the French on steroids. Nope, according to the brain-trust on the Teabag side of the aisle all of this is being perpetrated by the 'liberal media' (I wish there was one, I really, really do) in an insidious plot to stop American companies from pumping out whatever toxic shit they please, into the air/groundwater/oceans. So in order to stop Americans from further educating themselves about the topic with you know, facts and stuff, the Neanderthals in the House passed a bill that would slash the budget of the Environmental Protection Agency by almost a third. Twenty-nine percent to be precise. But as with everything coming forth from the Luddite Party you have to do the math yourself. A savings of one third sounds great right? But how much will this actually take off the bottom line of the deficit? Less then one tenth of one percent, about $3 billion. But it's the thought that counts, right?

But what of the consequences of muzzling the one agency tasked specifically to keep us safe from toxic industrial waste getting into our bottled water and to prevent our lungs from sounding like we have a two-pack-a-day-ciggy habit?

On planet Teabag apparently there are two different atmospheres, two different water tables, and two different planetary eco-systems. One that affects people that think like they do, you know, morons, and one that affects everyone else. They'd have to think that way in order for them not to realize, even if it took them a good while longer than regular human beings, that by making it easier to put arsenic in the drinking water, and toxins in the atmosphere we ALL suffer the consequences. I know that republicans by their very nature are mean, greedy, selfish people, but this Bill, if allowed to stand as written, would be the height of short-sighted selfishness, even for a group of people that have not, as of yet, demonstrated an ounce of compassion or humanity to their fellow citizens.

A couple of things strike me about this latest attack on sanity by the flying-monkeys on the right, one is that there has yet to be a 'Jobs Bill' presented, even though we were told that this was their number one priority during the recent election campaign, and two, if they really wanted to impress us, how about they cut the Pentagon's budget by the same percentage (that would amount to a savings of roughly $205 Billion, you know, real money) then we'd really know if they're serious...Methinks I'll grow another head before we see that idea come to fruition, but hey, what the hell...I just wanted to see what that looked like written out.

WTF is wrong with South Dakota?

As some of you may be aware, the current crop of recently elected right-wing crazies in Washington D.C. have quickly unveiled their real agenda, down-grading women to 2nd class citizens, rather than the bullshit agenda they paraded around during the election of 'Jobs, jobs, jobs'. However this lunacy is not just limited to the District of Columbia, oh no, out on the plains the crazy is strong too, especially, it seems, in South Dakota.

Now let me just say right off the bat, I happen to like South Dakota. I think there is a rugged beauty to the massive sweeping plains, it is steeped in Native American history, and I like the fact that you can blast past a stationary State Trooper at 85 mph an the Interstate and he won't even stir from his slumber. It has the Badlands, which are quite simply breath-taking in their stark and desolate beauty, Mount Rushmore, which to anyone not born in this country seems a bit daft until you actually see it, and, as I can personally attest to, the best biscuits and gravy anywhere in the US. (Holiday Inn Express, Rapid City). The folks that I met there seem pleasant enough, they don't look like neanderthals, or inbred mongrels, so why is it that they seem to hate women so much? Specifically independent women. Women that want to have the same rights that men do. You know, the right to tell lawmakers and religious busy-bodies to "keep your fucking nose out of my medical business".

To whit: there is a new law being proposed in the South Dakota state legislature that appears to make murdering doctors and other healthcare professionals that provide abortions to women legal as 'justifiable homicide'. The legislation as proposed would also make it theoretically legal to murder a pregnant woman if she tried to get an abortion, completely missing the irony that if that happened, the killer could then be killed themselves if the fetus didn't survive. Despite the attempted back-pedalling and the 'who me?' bluster from the author of the legislation, this is a nasty, hateful piece of work, and a blatant attempt to intimidate both women and their health care professionals from considering a perfectly lawful medical procedure.

In the last six years South Dakota has twice tried to outlaw a woman's right to choose completely, and both times the voters of the state have voted it down, quite handily, and yet there is a cadre of South Dakotan men that apparently will not be happy until women are back in the kitchen, bare-foot and pregnant. That is a real shame for a number of reasons, not least of which is the time and resources that have to be expended to beat these troglodytes back, but mostly because it makes the entire state look like it still hasn't made it to the 21st century yet.

In the end, all of this leads me to the one question that all women should be asking, anywhere that their rights are being threatened, "If you cut off my reproductive choice, can I cut off yours?"

I think I know the answer to that one....


*Update as of 02/17/11 The proposed bill has been withdrawn. For now.

When is a budget cut not a budget cut? When Obama says it is...

Fast on the heels of the news that the President's proposal to let poor people freeze to death next winter really is in the budget, it's not just some sort of sick joke, President Obama has tried to placate those on the left that have been howling for some of the cuts to come from somewhere other than the poor and the middle class, by announcing that he was cutting the defense budget by $78 Billion.

$78 Billion stripped from the budget of the most untouchable of sacred cows in D.C. has got to be great news right?

Not really. You see the "cuts" aren't really cuts at all. What is actually happening is that the Pentagon is going to get $78 Billion less over the next five years than was originally projected. In other words they are still going to get an increase in their budget, it will just be less than originally planned. And the President dressed that turkey up as a "defense spending budget cut" and took it out for a walk.

Really? Just how dumb does he think we are? If I asked for a 10% pay raise but only got 5% I didn't actually get a 5% pay cut, I still got a pay raise, just not as much as I'd asked for, and yet that is exactly what the Obama administration is trying to claim with this budget proposal. For a guy that claims to 'do nuance' this is about as nuanced as a pork chop in a synagogue.

You know, I expect to get screwed when the guy in the Whitehouse has an 'R' after his name, after all it's what they're best at, but I sure as hell don't expect it when they have a 'D' after their name.

All of this makes me very nervous for the future of Social Security and Medicare, neither of which have been declared 'off limits' by this President.

Stay tuned.

Apparently President Obama DOES believe in wealth re-distribution...in reverse...

Sometimes I honestly wonder what happened to the guy I saw on the campaign trail, I really do. He was all fired up about rectifying the wrongs, putting the country back on the right path, bringing sanity and reason back to the body politic, and yet as soon as he was sworn into office (twice) he has become someone else entirely. Instead of wielding his mega-majority like the mighty hammer of Thor, he has meekly capitulated to every single threat issued by the radical right-wing, and he deservedly got his milquetoast ass handed to him in the mid-terms.

I have mentioned more than a few policies in which I am in complete disagreement with the President on this blog over the last year or so, and each has felt to me to be a bigger betrayal than the last, but this latest one simply takes the cake. In the midst of the most bitterly-cold winter that many folks can remember, the President has suggested in his next budget cutting the heating assistance given to the poor almost in half. Specifically he wants to cut out $2.5 Billion from a $5.1 Billion heating budget.

To put it into perspective it was -12F yesterday morning on my way to work, but my house was a nice and toasty 70F, I simply cannot fathom what it would be like to be without heat at this time of year. But more than that, I simply cannot believe that a Democratic President would come up with an idea like this. I am beyond amazed. My flabber is well and truly gasted. This is the sort of heartless shit the rethuglicans are supposed to try and pull. How he or his advisors have squared this circle is beyond me. I can think of no possible way to put a positive spin on the glaring reality that the tax-gifts to the uber-wealthy that the President just authorized are being balanced on the backs of the same poor folk he has proposed may have to go without heat.

I can sort of see how some of the other cockamamie bullshit he has pulled over the last two years could potentially be skewed to make some sort of political sense if you look at them from just the right angle and you squint your eyes a bit, but in this instance he's not even being threatened by the republicans. Bill O'Really, Sean Insanity and Rush Limpballs haven't said a word about this program, and yet, somehow this Democratic President has decided that in the depths of the coldest winter in well over a decade it would be a good idea to let the poor folks know they are well and truly buggered come this time next year.

At this rate the only people voting for Obama in 2012 will be the republicans.

I can't believe I am about to write this but....for once I agree with David Cameron

Yes, I know, I know, this would ordinarily be one of the sure-fire signs that the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse are on the horizon, but in a recent speech Britain's PM David Cameron suggested that 'multi-culturalism" has failed, and that there needs to be a greater focus on a British national identity, and I wholeheartedly agree with him.

I'll let that sink in for a minute before I continue. No, I haven't lost my mind, and no, my blog hasn't been hijacked, this is just one of those rare occurrences where my opinion on immigration aligns itself with someone who, for once, seems to be talking common sense.

I know a little about this subject personally because I am an immigrant myself. My situation is somewhat different than the one David Cameron refers to because I emmigrated to the US from the UK, a country that is very similar in many respects to my homeland although the two are separated by a common language, but I am still an immigrant in a foreign country and the same rules apply. I am a guest here.

In America the main bugaboo about immigrants is that they swarm over the border, steal all the jobs, (as though red-neck honkies from coast-to-coast are knocking down the doors to be bus-boys, dishwashers and fruit-pickers only to be cruelly denied by those dastardly immigrants) and as soon as 'they' get here they sign up for free benefits anyway. Other than the fact that all three of those reasons are massive exaggerations, the over-riding concern from Joe Six-Pack is about how much that all costs and not that the 'guests' have become radical hate-mongers inciting violence against their hosts.

This isn't the case in Britain though. For far too long in the UK they have been cowed by the immigrants' threats and demands to have things their own way and in many instances, regardless of how far the hosts have actually gone to try and accomodate their agitated and vocal guests, in return there has been nothing but hostility, rage and rancor. All of this has seemed (at least to me anyway) to have been completely ass-backwards. Look, I am all for compromise and a sharing of cultural values, but common sense tells you that you don't move into someone else's house and then demand that they re-decorate the place, change the dinner menu, and give you the remote for the telly...When you emigrate to another country you are their guest and you should learn their manners and customs. If they choose to learn and share yours, fine, but you don't get to dictate that they must abide by the rules and customs you have imported from your homeland. If it was that fucking great there, why not go back? So dear guests, if you're going to stay, please stay off the grass, don't drop your fag-ash on the carpet and keep your feet off the furniture if you don't mind. You might not like them, but we do have a few rules to live by.

Now I really do need a lie down before I agree with anything else that little twerp says...

Super Bore XXXCCMMMLLLXXXVVVIIII...or how Jeremy Clarkson saved my sanity...

As a Bears fan there really wasn't much of a reason to watch yesterday's big game, the hated Packers were there instead of Da Bears because our massively over-paid quarterback got a boo-boo mid-way through the championship game and didn't want to play anymore lest he get really hurt, and the Steelers were being led on the field by a guy who, allegedly, has more than a little difficulty understanding what the word 'no' means when said out loud by a woman...With neither team being much inspiration to sit through the 3 1/2 hour broadcast of stop-start-stop-action that is the modern game of American Football, interrupted by frequent commercial breaks and coaches challenges as it is, the final straw for me was the network doing the broadcast. It was Fox. And Joe Buck was the lead announcer.

I decided to find alternate entertainment.

As luck would have it BBC America was running back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back (you get the idea) episodes of Top Gear, all day long. Whoever came up with that idea should be Knighted. Immediately. I thought I couldn't hate anyone more fiercely than the white-hot hatred I have for Bob Costas of NBC, but sweet jesus Joe Buck, the number one announcer for Fox Sports, really just sets me off. He's yet another smug bastard in a long-line of never-played-a-sport-in-my-life, always-picked-last-when-it-was-PE, know-it-all smart arses that somehow manage to weasel their way into prime spots on the airwaves in this country. He would be a used car salesman if it weren't for his old man, and yet this prissy little git speaks as though he knows from personal experience what it's like to have been on the field of play. He's the kind of guy that was born on third base, and thought that he hit a triple.

In other words, a total arsehole.

So, the thought of watching two teams I could give a crap about, on a network I despise, commentated on by America's largest walking rectum would have sent me straight over the cliffs of sanity if it had not been for the endless repeats of Clarkson et al on the Beeb. Thanks lads! That was a close one.

The Republican Party...your ticket back to the 18th century...

Dammit, dammit, dammit. You know, I almost made it to the weekend without cursing the ground on which the republicans walk, and then I stumbled across  this vile piece of misogynistic anti-woman legislation. Having backed off their neanderthalic attempts to redefine rape as only being 'forcible' so as to prevent federal funds being used for abortions, the Anti-Woman party now wants to write into law a provision that prevents doctors from saving the life of a pregnant woman, if by so doing, the fetus does not survive. So what this means for pregnant women is that if, due to complications, a doctor is facing a scenario where they can only save either the mother OR the fetus, they have to concentrate on saving the fetus first. Never mind the living, breathing woman giving birth, save the unborn fetus first. In other words a woman's life is not worth as much as that of the unborn fetus she is carrying. Excuse me? On what planet does that even remotely make sense?

I knew that the religious fervor was strong in this particular group of nutjobs, even if the stupid republican sheep that voted for them ignored it, but I need someone to explain to me how this sort of "christian" fundamentalist, anti-woman legislation is different from the same sort of bullshit the Taliban try and pull in Afghanistan and rural Pakistan, because I honestly can't find it. Besides, I thought that the Teahadist wing of the GOP was supposed to be in favour of less government intrusion, not more? Oh, and while we're at it, where are all those fucking jobs we were promised when they lied their way into power? I thought that getting the economy going again was the "top priority". Strange, it seems to me that their top priority is passing a radical religious right-wing anti-woman agenda instead.

I honestly don't know which is more scary, the fact that 100 representatives have signed up as co-sponsors to this despicable piece of theocratic stupidity, or that there are still women out there that will vote for them anyway.

Funny thing is that no-one has explained to the willfully blind republican voters that their Teahadist representatives only care about the fetus until it's born. After that, they can't wait to send it off to fight in pointless wars of choice, or execute them if they commit a crime. Of course if the fetus, once born,  needs assitance in between times say with food or shelter or healthcare it is completely and totally fucked because the Teanuts will have dismantled the social safety net that was once in place.

Yay progress!!!

I need a drink....

From the 'you know you're in deep shit when' files....

As some of you may know, Charlie Sheen, the lead actor in the number one-rated comedy show in America, Two and a Half Men, is currently trying to dry out after a monumental bender that included porn stars, booze and a boat-load of Columbian marching powder. He is doing this by going to rehab. At home. On his couch. Yup, that oughta do the trick.

Here's my take, first off, way to go Charlie, you have proven once and for all that you can't really act, all you are doing on that show is just being yourself and getting paid handsomely for it. Wish I could do the same. Secondly, and far more alarmingly, when  Lindsay Lohan says you might want to dial it down a notch or five, I'd pay attention if I were you. She knows a little something about successfully destroying careers by partying too hard. But thirdly, and most importantly, get sober. Not 'pretend' sober, you know, the kind of sober used by the rich and famous just so a judge doesn't throw your sorry ass in jail, but 'real' sober. Never-pick-up-another-glass-of-scotch-again, sober. Never-buy-cocaine-by-the-kilo-again, sober. Never-party-with-hookers-and-porn-stars-again, sober. (At least not with ones that then immediately sell their story to the media).

Charlie, if you won't do it for all of the people that depend on you for their own jobs and livelihoods, then at least do it for your kids. Their lives are probably already housed as it is, but the last thing they need is for your final legacy to be that you were just the latest super-rich Hollywood asshole to be found dead,  face-first in a pile of coke like Al Pacino in Scarface. The don't need to see their dad's name splashed all over the tabloids as a bunch of whores sell their stories of your last dying moments. They deserve better than that, and so do you. Get sober.

'Mommy, why do the republicans hate working people?' 'I dunno son, maybe because they're all bastards?'

Attn: Mr republican voter, what I am about to tell you had better make you sit up and pay attention. Not satisfied with trying to alienate every single woman in the country by trying to redefine the definition of rape (please see this post for more on that little nugget of love), this is what YOUR representatives are trying to do behind your back as well. They are actively trying to find ways for States and Municipalities to declare bankruptcy, get out of debt, and screw the common man all in one shot. You might not be aware of this, but most of the debt piling up for State and Municipal Governments is in the unfunded or under-funded pension plans that were set up under contracts entered into, and agreed upon in good faith, between Government and employee. Now these governments are looking for a legal way to keep from having to honour those contracts and fully fund those pension plans.

In other words, you think that just because you worked for the gummint for 30 years your pension is guaranteed? Think again. Think that just because you are already retired your pension is safe? Think again. And whilst you try and wrap your head around that news, make sure you remind yourself that yes, these are the very same bastards that a) bailed out the "too big to fail" banks with OUR taxpayer dollars even though THEY are the ones that drove the economy straight off the cliff, and b) made it harder for the common folk to get out-from-under in personal bankruptcy filings by changing the rules in favour of the banks and credit card companies. Clear on that? Personal bankruptcy = Make it harder, Government Bankruptcy = Let's see what we can do to make it easier.

So, do me a favour Mr republican voter, the next time some slick political ad comes on the telly and a republican politician talks about how the President is really a secret commie/nazi/socialist/muslim that was born in Kenya and he wants to take away your guns and force you to get health care and force pregnant women to have abortions and he doesn't even love the Baby Jesus....just remember this story. And remember this Mr. republican voter, they are saying things like that about the President specifically, or Democrats in general because they know it pushes your buttons. Regardless of your personal financial well-being, or how much free health care would actually benefit you, or how environmental regulations actually do keep your water clean and your food safe, they know that all of that will fly out of the window if they mention God, Guns or Gays. (That's why pundits and politicos call these issues "red meat"). The republicans know you love it, and they know you can't help but fall for it. Every.Single.Time.

One day Mr. republican voter I hope that the smoke will clear and you will finally see what you are actually getting everytime you send these hypocritical asswipes back to congress.

Bottom line Mr. republican voter is this, they may say they are on 'your side', but they aren't. They may say they love the 'little guy', but they don't. You are being lied to, and it is time for you to snap out of it and stop buying their bullshit because ALL of us wind up getting royally screwed.