As some of you may know, Charlie Sheen, the lead actor in the number one-rated comedy show in America, Two and a Half Men, is currently trying to dry out after a monumental bender that included porn stars, booze and a boat-load of Columbian marching powder. He is doing this by going to rehab. At home. On his couch. Yup, that oughta do the trick.
Here's my take, first off, way to go Charlie, you have proven once and for all that you can't really act, all you are doing on that show is just being yourself and getting paid handsomely for it. Wish I could do the same. Secondly, and far more alarmingly, when Lindsay Lohan says you might want to dial it down a notch or five, I'd pay attention if I were you. She knows a little something about successfully destroying careers by partying too hard. But thirdly, and most importantly, get sober. Not 'pretend' sober, you know, the kind of sober used by the rich and famous just so a judge doesn't throw your sorry ass in jail, but 'real' sober. Never-pick-up-another-glass-of-scotch-again, sober. Never-buy-cocaine-by-the-kilo-again, sober. Never-party-with-hookers-and-porn-stars-again, sober. (At least not with ones that then immediately sell their story to the media).
Charlie, if you won't do it for all of the people that depend on you for their own jobs and livelihoods, then at least do it for your kids. Their lives are probably already housed as it is, but the last thing they need is for your final legacy to be that you were just the latest super-rich Hollywood asshole to be found dead, face-first in a pile of coke like Al Pacino in Scarface. The don't need to see their dad's name splashed all over the tabloids as a bunch of whores sell their stories of your last dying moments. They deserve better than that, and so do you. Get sober.
Then I must be in rehab too. That bottle of Chianti with the roast pork was bloody good tho
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