Of debt ceilings and compromise...or why I wouldn't want Obama as a hostage negotiator..

The Scene: Washington D.C. Twilight. The Capitol Building is surrounded by hundreds of cop cars with their lights flashing brightly as the day gives way to night. A lone Sargeant has been using a megaphone to talk to some right-wing desperados that have holed themselves up in the Capitol Building. He has been talking to them for hours and been getting nowhere, so he calls for a hostage negotiator to back him up....

The hostage negotiator strolls up...

Prez:  "What's going on here Sargeant?"

Sarge: "There's a bunch of crazy-ass republicans in that building and they've taken the US economy hostage. They say they're going to kill the hostage unless they get 2.3 trillion in cuts."

Prez: "What? Gimme that megaphone (snatches megaphone from Sargeant's hands). Republicans, I agree with you that you should have the 2.3 trillion in cuts, let me go to my rich friends and get the money from them."

Republicans: "Fuck that, they've suffered enough. Get it from the poor and middle class."

Prez: "Let's be reasonable, I can get the money more easily from my rich friends, and they won't miss it as much as the poor and the middle class".

Republicans: "Are you fucking deaf? We said get it from the poor and the middle class, there's more of them than there are of us, um, the rich, so they have more to give."

Prez: "Hahahaha, a deaf joke? Is that because of the size of my ears?"

Republicans: "No you fucktard, if we wanted to make fun of your ears we would have called you Dumbo...now GIVE US THE CUTS OR THE HOSTAGE GETS IT!!!"

Prez: "Whoa now....let's calm down, I'm sure we can work things out. How about I give you your cuts and make the poor and the middle class pay for them, AND let you call it a victory for your side, AND piss off everyone that voted for me the last time? Would you agree to let the hostages go then?"

Republicans: "Only if we get to publicly laugh at you and call you Dumbo from now on."

Prez: "Deal!"

Republicans: (under their breath) "Shit that was too easy, we should have asked for naked pictures of Jill Biden as well. Never mind, we'll get that in a few months time when we 'negotiate' the budget, hehehehehehehe."

Sargeant: "All due respect Sir, but you suck as a negotiator. They got everything they wanted, PLUS some."

Prez: "My dear Sargeant, no-one really got hurt and the hostage made it out alive. That's what compromising is all about."

Sargeant: (under his breath) "Whatever, you clown, all I know is I don't want you negotiating when it comes time to renew my contract....seems to me I can't afford that much compromise..."

The End